first of all

dear half of my facebook friends, i don't care how fucking far you ran today or at what time, and when you post it pretending to complain about your 6 am 12 mile run what you are really doing is attention seeking and it's annoying. run or don't, at the crack of dawn or not, i don't give a fuck. and neither does anyone else except possibly your few sycophantic friends who are jealous and have no self esteem so they say "omg i couldn't even run three miles, you are amazing how do you fit it all in you crazy superwoman!" stop it! stop encouraging the attention seeking. enough is enough. (this doesn't apply to my friends who actually run competitively and just want to update everyone on their progress. there's a difference.)

take a minute and read the above conversation. that is the future of our nation. we are totally fucked.

in other news wow i am obsessed with these nail things. i have sweated minx since they first arrive on the scene, but i'm too OCD to let someone else do my nails. i used to have ghetto tips (pointy claw ones, duh) but i got sick of sitting on the other side of the table watching like a hawk and grinding my teeth and sweating as the nail tech filed slightly imperfectly and i would go home and redo them myself anyway. no more. now i am sticking to this ghetto sally hansen shit. this photo is from the first day i put them on so my nails are short. these things actually lasted 10 days and my nails underneath grew out perfectly and are now super long and ready for the next round. which is herringbone. i think. is herringbone played out? i can't tell. i also bought tiger and silver from sephora. i'll let you know how it goes. thank you so much liz! i would never have thought to try these before your post. who knew drug store nail game could be so tight?

i will keep him.

here is some advice for you.

if you are not in a relationship that makes you feel like a total bad ass bitch and makes you happy every minute of every day, you should break up. no, seriously. if you aren't in that type of relationship, you should be. what? that would mean that 90% of all people in relationships should break up? yes, i agree. 90% of people in relationships should break the fuck up so that new good doors can open where the bad ones are closed and locked with no key.

sometimes when biggie falls asleep in my lap in the sun it's the cutest most absurd thing ever.

sometimes we go sailing in sausalito and it looks a lot like the above.

sometimes i get taken on amazing ski vacations in tahoe and they look like the above. not pictured, the driest air of all time. we ordered an air humidifier from the front desk and then talked about how dry the air was and was it this dry last time we were in tahoe and it couldn't have been this dry because i've never felt so dehydrated in my life and i've been to tahoe a lot and sometimes you realize you sound like a 70 year old italian complainer from the upper west side.

sometimes people say they want to see more photos of my tits on the internet.

sometimes my long lost friend from LA appears in san francisco and takes me out to dinner after we walk around the city for 10 miles in the shortest skirt imaginable.

and then sometimes during dinner he takes a million extreme close ups of my mollie hangover face.

sometimes my business partner in nyc ships me my 46" plasma flat screen and i pay eight million dollars in insurance and shipping and it still arrives totally demolished and i have to go to war with UPS.

sometimes totally out of nowhere you meet your match.