what you know about mind sex?

my parents divorced when i was young, and my dad has been married four times (don't get me wrong, each time he was hoping she was the "one," but he wasn't willing to settle and be unhappy once he realized that things weren't working and never would.) i'm assuming that has been a huge subconscious influence on me, but honestly i actively discovered the fact that humans are not monogamous on my own.

in college i had the epiphany that no matter what i wanted, or how i tried to control a situation, the other person involved was going to do WHATEVER THE FUCK they wanted. bottom line. we all just do what we want and it's easier to come to terms with that fact and let go of jealousy, neediness, and control. when i made the conscious decision to just LET GO of everything and do what makes me happy, it was like a veil had been lifted from my eyes and i felt a thousand pounds lighter. i wish everyone could let go like this; we'd all be so much happier.

the flipside to this is that when i date guys they end up thinking i'm a detached ice queen with no feelings. i have feelings! i have a huge heart that i want to share! i just don't have the negative poisonous cancerous feelings that make me and the dude feel miserable. so i guess it's a catch 22, you either get to seem like a guarded bitch who doesn't care about anything, or you can be unhappy. i choose guarded bitch, because someday i will find someone who understands that completely.

and i definitely think that coming from a home with happily married parents skews one's opinion toward the till-death type of relationship. but i think honestly, if we are REALLY HONEST with ourselves, even happily married people have their secrets.

thanks to my soul sister highwaisted for the conversation.