you gave us cereal...in an ashtray

someday i will learn that if you put the kettle on the stove and walk away for an hour it will burn and possibly catch on fire. but today is not that day.

i want to capture snookie and give her restylane in her top lip. everything else is fake, why not the top lip? i guarantee she would look 100% better with a lil half CC of hyaluranic up in there.

(i also want to soak those fucking french tips right off. FUCK a french manicure.)

so the radio silence is over for now. i have good days and bad days. this, kids, is what we call an Emotional Rollercoaster. please strap yourself in because this bitch goes super fast and super high and super low. flying out of the EmoRo (like how i made that up off the top of my head? FUCK yeaaah) is the only thing worse that actually being on it. at least when you stay on the damn thing you eventually get to the end. when you fly off, you're totally fucked.

i'm going on total radio silence for a while.

past, present, future.

only one really exists, and yet lately i spend so much time thinking about the two that don't. recently i've been living everywhere in my head but right now. thinking about how things were, how they will never be(?), how they could be, how i want them to be. it's all bullshit. stories. tangents that are nothing but electricity in my brain. the only thing that is real are actions, and i need to spend less time thinking and more time doing.

live right now, that's all there is.

this is exactly how i feel about fucking marriage. liz taylor knows what's up.

and also, the only thing surprising about the Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon thing is that she is MARRIED TO THIS FUCKING GUY. really? REALLY? this guy? this dude must have fucking game for daaaaaaaays.

the past does not exist.

today i am getting a pedicure, going tanning, wearing a tracksuit and a wifebeater with no bra, getting a new blackberry and getting tore up.

fuuuuuuuuuuck it.

i am a fortunate homosexual man

fucking OF COURSE you are. the people who were surprised that ricky martin is gay are the same idiots who were shocked by the kate moss coke scandal. (i mean they are same same ones that even thought that was a scandal. come on ya'll, she's dating the grossest drug addict of the century and she's a fucking model. it would be news if she wasn't a cokehead.)

you all know my feelings on kanye west, but i have to say, nothing has made more sense lately than this song.



he may be a whiny narcissistic diva, but he hit that motherfuckin nail on the head with this joint. "i can't keep myself and still keep you too." say word.


and it wouldn't be right to end this without a photobooth pic because apparently that's how i roll.

also, did you guys know i had this?