i think i need some tylenol you got me restless

i got a chemical peel the other day, and the aesthetician (sp???) said she had to wait for a super important phone call and would i mind if she kept her phone on vibrate? i said no problem but doubted that anything she had to hear was that important. how long is a chemical peel? an hour? can't wait an hour, huh? fine. she said it was concerning some test results, which made me kind of interested from a completely voyeuristic (i can spell voyeuristic but not aesthetician? wtf?) standpoint, which in turn made it easier to not be annoyed that she was leaving her phone on. so she's scrubbing lactic acid into my neck and breathing softly on my face when her phone goes off and she grabs it and keeps scrubbing away. i can hear someone talking to her but no details - details! i need details! suddenly she's super excited and says "Oh my GOD THANK you!" and they keep talking all happily and it turns out she doesn't have cancer. she beat breast cancer once and it's not back AND she doesn't have the Braca gene so her daughter can worry a little less about getting cancer. wow. interesting to be involved in someone getting the best news of her life.

in other news, biggie smalls has a serious stomach virus and i'm up and down the stairs every five minutes so he doesn't shit all over the reclaimed barnwood office floor.

also i am in the worst shape of my life and have NO FUCKING ASS. i need to get my fitness game tightened up.

that is all.

uhhhh

WOAH

women lie men lie

this mystical city is actually san francisco and in all my years of flying into and out of it, i've never noticed the giant mountains rising from the mist back there. they must be new.

so far all i've managed to do today is take photobooth pictures and avoid doing any actual work. i had a full on panic attack yesterday and if i want to chill out and do not a damn thing all day i will. have you had an actual panic attack? no fucking bueno.


i immediately called to get refill on the x script, and then had to go to battle with my (woman) dr. Women either love me or hate me, and women doctors hate me every single time. it's insane. quit trying to be my fucking mother, write me the script for the one thing that makes my life bearable, take your kickback from Pfizer, and call it a day homegirl. yes, i know that people abuse this substance. i am not one of them. you want to meet an addict come through and meet my unemployed roommate who sits in his room all day eating tramadol and playing xbox.

biggie obviously adores taking photobooth pics with me. can't you feel the LOVE?

omg enough already. i promise i'll be back tomorrow with some actual fucking things that are interesting to read. xo.

do ya'll like how my blog is now just a bunch of photobooth pics of me at work? i know! me TOO! it's just that my actual life is too insane to write about. i'm back to censoring myself even on this totally anonymous blog that was started because i was sick of censoring myself. way to work out the logic, la dick.


so i ended up in the hospital this weekend, that was super fun. driving yourself to the hospital might be the loneliest thing ever. actually, no, driving yourself to an abortion clinic is probably worse holy shit now i'm sad thinking about that. fuck. anyway, i have a crazy pinched nerve in my back and it went nutso crazypants on me, and i had an allergic reaction to the medication i take for it that i've been taking for almost ten years. go figure. they gave me percocet and flexeril. awesome. having drugs is better than no drugs.



i just brought the absolute HEAT in an email to some douche bag clients that don't understand that if you change the scope of a project, you change the cost of the project. they are the same clients i wrote this about. they honestly had the nerve to say that they aren't a big corporation so they shouldn't have to pay for changes. don't hire a major design firm if you can't pay for it. would you tell your landlord that you can't pay your rent because you don't make enough money? no, you would not. you wouldn't rent the apartment in the first place. don't enter into agreements that you can't pay for. end of story.


yes, yes i do drink crystal light and skyy vodka at work. is it that obvious? oh, it was the giant red fratboy cup that gave it away? huh. don't worry, my boss knows. (i'm my boss.) (this post sucks.)


hahahahahahahahah fuck i had to post this photo even though it might be the most embarrassing pic of me EVER TAKEN. i was wondering if you wanted me to seduce you...it would look like this. are you IN? i thought so.

also, do you all read highwaisted? because you should. she is basically me, but canadian. and you guys like me, right????? great, then it's settled.

(this is where the most boring post of all time ends. riiiiiight HERE

happy bday darling!

you are the ONLY thing i like about St. Patrick's Day 2010.

is it possible to get computer poisoning? if so i definitely have it.

werkin

I AM

ON A

VERY IMPORTANT

PHONE CALL.

i was in SF again.

rollin in the nanny benz. (inside joke that no one who reads this blog will ever get.) (sorry, how boring.)


motherfucking BRUTUS! he is the most adorable thing of all time. that's really all there is to say about that.


smoked mad fucking weed, ate a ton of xanax, drank some wine, and kicked it in the kitchen with my homegirls. it was hailing, then raining, then sunny, then it got dark and we were too high to pay attention to the weather. the apartment was cold as fuck so we opened the oven and sat around it at the kitchen table. smokin. hood shit. came up with this nail joint - we call it The Patience, because sitting still for an hour while the dot dries is an excercise in self control if there ever was one. that is not how you spell excersise. neither is that. how the fuck do you spell that word. exercise. there it is. i hate kanye west and i hate the flashing lights song, but pandora killed it with the flashing lights radio that night. never been a more appropriate time for lil wayne, TI, dilated peoples, timbaland's production. ahhhhhhh fuck yeah.



i've been thinking lately about how much in general people base their own happiness on the energy and reactions they get from others in their lives, rather than just doing what makes them happy and seeing how that works out. i really hate it when i'm in a relationship and the dude i'm with is clearly basing his actions on how we are doing in the relationship. just be yourself and do your thing and we'll have no problems at all. or is that weird and heartless?



recovery red cup combo of the day: emergen-c, absolut, hailstorm, giant umbrella, black hoodie, (all day errryday,) ysl sunglasses (all day errryday) 24th and valencia street corner store.



write down what you REALLY want out of life. put it on paper. then work backwards and see what you need to do to make it happen. sometimes just seeing it on paper makes you realize you don't actually want it at all. sometimes it makes you realize how fucking much you want it. NEED it. sometimes you have no idea what the fuck to put on the paper. hello, my life.

RIP, KING OF NEW YORK

WHATTTTT???

do ya'll KNOW about this???

what you know about mind sex?

my parents divorced when i was young, and my dad has been married four times (don't get me wrong, each time he was hoping she was the "one," but he wasn't willing to settle and be unhappy once he realized that things weren't working and never would.) i'm assuming that has been a huge subconscious influence on me, but honestly i actively discovered the fact that humans are not monogamous on my own.

in college i had the epiphany that no matter what i wanted, or how i tried to control a situation, the other person involved was going to do WHATEVER THE FUCK they wanted. bottom line. we all just do what we want and it's easier to come to terms with that fact and let go of jealousy, neediness, and control. when i made the conscious decision to just LET GO of everything and do what makes me happy, it was like a veil had been lifted from my eyes and i felt a thousand pounds lighter. i wish everyone could let go like this; we'd all be so much happier.

the flipside to this is that when i date guys they end up thinking i'm a detached ice queen with no feelings. i have feelings! i have a huge heart that i want to share! i just don't have the negative poisonous cancerous feelings that make me and the dude feel miserable. so i guess it's a catch 22, you either get to seem like a guarded bitch who doesn't care about anything, or you can be unhappy. i choose guarded bitch, because someday i will find someone who understands that completely.

and i definitely think that coming from a home with happily married parents skews one's opinion toward the till-death type of relationship. but i think honestly, if we are REALLY HONEST with ourselves, even happily married people have their secrets.

thanks to my soul sister highwaisted for the conversation.

the world is insane.

i've been a little blown away by relationships lately. is anyone telling the truth to anyone about anything anywhere? i haven't been part of any personal lying, and haven't done any personal lying, but it seems that everywhere i look, things are not what they seem. every married couple around me is secretly unhappy. every song i hear is about cheating, broken hearts, lost love, new exciting love, secret undercover love, and of course being crazy in love. bitches are jealous because their men ARE cheating. men are suspicious because their women ARE giving the sexy side eye to other dudes. i guess the thing that makes no sense to me is the fact that true human nature seems to be non-monogamous. humans can only learn so much from one person. things change, feelings change, energy dies, things wither. there is nothing wrong with this. yet our society only accepts the concept of the monogamous pair bond until death do us part, and if you choose to leave someone you are considered the bad guy. WHY is the heartbreaker considered the asshole? why is it bad to want to be happy, to refuse to accept the status quo? why is it considered more noble to tough it out with someone you hate or are completely bored or unfulfilled by than to leave and explore something new? is it religion's fault? is it human nature to want to be free but also to be possessive?

sorry guys, i'm just looking at some things around me and my mind is blown. it just seems so counter intuitive to me that we refuse to embrace the fact that people are fundamentally drawn to more than one person. thoughts?