so friday night i went out with my homegirl to a trashy dive bar. i don't know why we chose this particular joint. there's a stripper pole on top of a pool table and the trashy bitches there mob it and grind all over it and each other like 16 year old prositutes at a Rosarita whorehouse (i ended up in one of those once, i know what i'm talking about.) (it was not on purpose.)

anyway so then i'm dancing with/next to/no actual contact some young dude with good style but no real game, and his trashy stripper pole grinding ex girlfriend jumps off the pool table and comes up and pushes me out of the way and tells this dude they "need to talk, right now, this is bullshit" so they go outside and all of a sudden there's a huge commotion and the bitch is running to his car to smash his windows in and all her trashy girls are running behind her with muffin tops bouncing in the streetlights and he runs after them to protect his car and his friends are laughing hysterically and i'm wondering why the fuck i even leave the house.

he comes back inside to tell me what went down and i say hold on, i'll be right back, and go home. drama is the last thing i'm into right now.


the next day i woke up with crazy hangover anxiety even though i wasn't drunk. i took a xanax, emergen-C, ionic fizz, ibuprofen and pineapple juice cocktail and went back to bed. why is it that four drinks make me totally worthless the next day?

i didn't leave the bed ALL DAY, except for my 12:30 nail appointment and to take biggie smalls outside. it honestly felt so damn good to just chill and watch CSI (las vegas, duh) episodes online and ignore the phone. i did turn down a sex toy party which would have probably been hilarious and interesting, but that's really not my style anyway, especially when i'm too anxious to even have a conversation with my closest friends. i can't imagine a more awkward situation actually, full on anxiety retardation while trying to socialize with strangers and vibrators? NAGL.


so that's my weekend. how was yours?

FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL

you can give a bitch $500K a year in alimony but you can't buy her class.

i am a huge fan of fashion risk takers.

despite my best efforts i love lindsay's leggings-as-pants wearing ass. i heart rihanna and every pointy neon nail and rooster hair she's ever rocked. i love lady gaga and her crazy latex and Alexander McQueen outfits...wait a minute! latex and AMcQ shoes? didn't we see this already? we did! it was in the ENTIRE bad romance video. funny how kelis talks so much shit about bitches swagger jacking her shit, when in reality she's a camel toe having knock off of an entire video. she needs to leave the fashion risk taking to the experts and work on defrosting her animal hating heart.

i want i want i want

awwwww i love this. although mine should say 1mg. or at least 0.5. thanks to the HBIC chloe!

awww

ice and coco forevs!!!
pic via coco's twitter @cocosworld

hello xanax hello nail polish hello bang cutting hello haze hello nosejob someday? probably not.

YES!!!

finally! i can only go so long without this shit.



meatball or sausage? and pick up all that shit. if you ever wondered who my ex-husbands mom was, here you go. (just switch up jersey for south boston.) (she really was great.) (until we broke up.)

michael lives!

why, kim, why??? biggie is rolling in his grave right now, rest his soul.

shhhhh

sometimes i worry that i'm actually retarded but no one has the heart to tell me.

when i was in grade school there was a mentally retarded girl that i always stood up for. people picked on her a lot and i always felt super bad. once i ran into her in the hallway - she got her period for the first time in class and the teacher sent her alone to the office. it always made me feel bad that no one even walked her down to the nurse...there she was in the hallway alone with a giant bloodstain on her jeans. i'll never forget it.

anyway, one time i was standing in a group of people who were sort of interrogating her the way that only mobs of schoolchildren can, and someone asked her if she knew she was retarded. she leaned in really close to the half circle of interrogators and said in a loud whisper "Yes, but SHH, i don't want anyone to know."

good lord did my heart break at that moment.

goosefoot.

all day yesterday i was looking forward to finishing some work so i could smoke weed, take a xanax and watch "Up in the Air" under a blanket with my chihuahua.

(that's my hand. pre nails did obvs)

Then i found out that "Up in the Air" is some bitch ass romantic comedy and not the G rated CGI film i thought it was. turns out that movie is just called "Up". FML. sorry george, i'll take a computer animated dude in a balloon any day over your wrinkly-eyed smirk face.

and did you know that in Russia they call houndstooth "goosefoot"? awesome!

i just broke up with kelis.

i just read this post on the lipstick diaries and i'm disgusted. i was always a kelis supporter. despite her best efforts to prove otherwise with wack ass songs like Milkshake, she actually has a gorgeous voice. but then THIS! (read the whole ignorant mess here)

PETA called her out for this heinous outfit which is a post of it's own:

by saying:

"We’ve been inundated with phone calls and emails from folks alerting us to photos of you wearing a fur hat and coat while out in London over the weekend. Please know that animals killed for their fur endure immense suffering. Foxes, minks, coyotes, and rabbits - and even dogs and cats - are bludgeoned, strangled, genitally electrocuted, and even skinned alive for their pelts.
“If you enjoy the look of fur, renowned designers, including Calvin Klein, Tommy Hilfiger, Stella MCCartney, and Vivienne Westwood, couple fashion with compassion and use only faux fur in their lines. We hope you found this information helpful and will join countless celebrities, like Charlize Theron, Khloe Kardashian, Pink and Michelle Obama, in publicly swearing off fur."

kelis responds:

"Btw it’s not just the look of fur. It’s warm as hell and feels glorious, ever rubbed faux fur on your body? Nothing luxurious about that. Then the letter proceeded to name artist and designers who don’t wear real fur. Great! More for me! I don’t judge them, don’t judge me. If I started wearing endangered animals like polar bear or orangutan then talk to me. (Which btw for the record I would not - I do believe in the preservation of endangered species) But the minks and chinchilla that quite honestly are rodents and if weren’t in the form of a coat I would demand they be put to death anyway are not an issue to me."

what a common, ignorant, heartless bitch. i take it all back. i truly think that people who don't have compassion for animals are the lowest of the low. let her visit a fur factory and see how luxurious she feels rubbing fur on her bare skin after she sees an animal skinned alive.

feeling this today

not a big gwen stefani fan - at least not a fan of her music. she has sick personal style and i can't be mad at l.a.m.b. shoes, so i guess i'm sort of a fan.

anyway, for some reason this video was in my head tonight. i have been feeling the deep blood red nails lately, might need to be the next hook up! i would love to rock them bangerz that long but there's no way i could type, design, text, etc., so i'm keeping mines shorter. we all make sacrifices, right?

who the fuck is this bitch?

oh no one, just proof that with enough time, money, and plastic surgery addiction, anyone can surprise you with their ability to look good.

(just fyi)

honestly though, i don't know why i'm being such a hater. everyone wants to be beautiful, right? i guess i really can't talk shit on plastic surgery if it makes someone feel better about themselves. and if i didn't know what she looked like before, i'd be like daaamn, this girl is hot! so why would i talk shit once i found out she wasn't 100% real? sorry, stephi pratt, my bad. you look great. i guess my main point is that ANYone can look great w/ enough time, money, and assistance, so we shouldn't be so quick to judge ourselves against others who may have more time, money and assistance than we do. (and it doesn't hurt to just love ourselves the way we are, either.) (apparently this is a motivational blog now.) (that is all.)

WWWTTTFFFFFF??????

OH HELLZ NO.

NAILS DID!

i'm back in nyc and of course the first thing i had to do was hook up the nails. i'll post pics when i have a chance to take some. i wanted to go super long and the nail tech wouldn't let me. i asked her to use tips and she said no. she straight shut me down. then i asked her to go longer as she was shaping them and she said "no, this better". i just let her do her thing after that. i get a little intimidated by nail salons. i'm great under stress, i never panic in crazy situations, can hold my own on a subway platform at 4am, etc., etc., but get me in a nail salon and i'll basically back down and do whatever the nail tech tells me.



in other news, i emailed this to myself at some point last year, just found it while looking for an old email in an account i never use. i think there's a combination of drugs involved in this one.

"Is it just me or are cars kind of a trippy concept? Little moving rooms that we drive arund usung variuous wheels, pedals, and controls that other people invented and new people expand upon and make better. And spend millions of dollars refining because we need them to be safer since we smash them into each other, drive them around hammered, and place our children in them while trusting other small room drivers to follow the rules."


good work, la dick. put that mind to use exploring the concepts around you.

(don't call it frisco)

yesterday i was in san francisco for about 16 hours and got to see my fav homegirl robin, fuck up some indian food (nyc can't front on the indian in sf), and smoke a cigarette or two (yes, gross, i know.)

the last time i was in san francisco was a few months ago to help my friend get off crystal meth, which i keep meaning to write about because it turned into an ugly friendship killing fiasco. the bottom line is, if you aren't ready to help yourself, don't ask me to help you change your life. i'm not sure if we will ever be friends again. i feel like i survived a war with that bitch and it will be hard to leave my war buddy behind, but 2010 is all about positivity and i don't have time for negative meth fueled bullshit.

this month i have also been to montana for my dad's 60th birthday and snowboarded at yellowstone club, a private ski resort that makes me want to sell my soul the devil to afford a membership to, because there's nothing like being on a perfectly groomed run at 3 in the afternoon with sun beating on your face and no gaping tourist making typewriter turns across your line. but more about that later.

things are good, all in all. hello 2010.