here is some advice for you.

if you are not in a relationship that makes you feel like a total bad ass bitch and makes you happy every minute of every day, you should break up. no, seriously. if you aren't in that type of relationship, you should be. what? that would mean that 90% of all people in relationships should break up? yes, i agree. 90% of people in relationships should break the fuck up so that new good doors can open where the bad ones are closed and locked with no key.

sometimes when biggie falls asleep in my lap in the sun it's the cutest most absurd thing ever.

sometimes we go sailing in sausalito and it looks a lot like the above.

sometimes i get taken on amazing ski vacations in tahoe and they look like the above. not pictured, the driest air of all time. we ordered an air humidifier from the front desk and then talked about how dry the air was and was it this dry last time we were in tahoe and it couldn't have been this dry because i've never felt so dehydrated in my life and i've been to tahoe a lot and sometimes you realize you sound like a 70 year old italian complainer from the upper west side.

sometimes people say they want to see more photos of my tits on the internet.

sometimes my long lost friend from LA appears in san francisco and takes me out to dinner after we walk around the city for 10 miles in the shortest skirt imaginable.

and then sometimes during dinner he takes a million extreme close ups of my mollie hangover face.

sometimes my business partner in nyc ships me my 46" plasma flat screen and i pay eight million dollars in insurance and shipping and it still arrives totally demolished and i have to go to war with UPS.

sometimes totally out of nowhere you meet your match.